The Grass Is Always Greener
by AlElizabeth
Summary: AU set after 'Swan Song'. Castiel rescues Sam from Hell but Dean finds out that 180 years in the Cage have changed his brother. Will Dean be able to leave hunting behind and take care of his damaged sibling?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

**Author's Note: I got the inspiration to write this while working on a scene for chapter twelve of **_**Torn. **_**The two fanfics are unrelated. **

Dean couldn't help but chuckle just a little bit as he reached across the table and wiped crumbs off his brother's hands with a napkin.

"You almost ready to head out?" Dean asked Sam, not expecting an answer and not receiving one. Sam continued to chew the last mouthful of food slowly and methodically, apparently oblivious to his brother's question.

Dean leaned back in the booth and caught the eye of their waitress. The roadside diner was quiet. Besides Dean and his brother the only other patrons were a couple of long-haul truckers who were sitting at the bar- not paying the Winchester brothers the least bit attention- which Dean counted as a blessing. He still bristled at the memory of the last restaurant he had taken his brother to.

Dean smiled charmingly when the waitress reached their table. Her nametag read 'Peggy'.

"All done here?" Peggy asked after quickly glancing at Sam's empty plate.

"Yes ma'am," Dean answered, "Everything was delicious."

The middle-aged waitress smiled, "Why thank you. I'll pass your compliment onto the cook."

Dean nodded and fished his wallet from the pocket of his jeans.

"Oh no," Peggy held out her hand, "It's on the house."

Dean, who normally would jump at the chance for free food, narrowed his eyes slightly.

"I insist," Dean opened his wallet; almost certain he was being offered their meals free of charge out of sympathy.

"I wouldn't feel right," Peggy pressed and her gaze traveled to Sam, sitting patiently and quietly, and back to Dean, "My sister's got a kid who's special and I know how hard it can be…"

Dean's hackles raised immediately, his expression telling Peggy she should stop talking while she was ahead.

The waitress was quite literally saved by the bell when a famished-looking family of four entered the diner, the bell above the door tinkling merrily as it opened. Peggy turned quickly away from the Winchesters and made a bee-line for the newest patrons, a smile plastered on her face to cover her embarrassment.

Dean sighed and stuffed his wallet back into his pocket without leaving any cash.

"C'mon Sammy," Dean said and his brother stood obediently. Dean gave Sam an once-over, brushed some crumbs from his brother's shirt and took hold of his wrist, leading him toward the door. Sam reached out a free hand and trailed his fingers along the backs of the booths as his brother tugged him gently along.

Dean smiled when he saw his baby waiting in the parking lot exactly as he had left her. Her black exterior shone in the pale October sunlight, inviting. Sam even seemed to walk a little faster when he realized where Dean was taking him. Dean imagined that his younger brother _did _remember the classic Chevy- the car that had held the key to Sam being able to get control over Lucifer and stop the Apocalypse- and smiled even wider at the thought.

Dean made sure his brother was seated comfortably before crossing around the front of the Impala and settling himself into the driver's seat.

"Okay, Sammy," Dean mumbled as started the car's engine, "Ready to hit the road?"

Sam nodded his head but didn't otherwise acknowledge his brother had spoken.

"Can't forget to do up your seatbelt," Dean reached across and pulled Sam's belt over and locked it into place.

Sam peered at his brother for a moment, expression unsure and his fingers pulled a little at the nylon strap across his chest.

"It's okay, Sammy," Dean reassured his brother, "It's not gonna hurt you. It's to keep you safe, see?"

Dean demonstrated the benevolence of seatbelts by doing his own up. Sam still looked unconvinced until Dean reached into the backseat and grabbed his leather jacket, spreading it out on his brother's lap as though it were a blanket and Sam seemed to forget all about the seatbelt. Dean smiled sadly as he watched Sam slowly stroke the smooth, sun-warmed leather, a serene expression on his face.

Meat Loaf's 'Rock And Roll Dreams Come Through' blasted from the speakers as Dean pulled out of the parking lot, unabashedly singing along to the music and tapping his hands on the steering wheel in time with the beat.

_W_

Dean had tried to keep his promise. He really had. But all he could think about was Sam. Lisa was great, she really was and her son was a good kid but Dean's grief prevented him from moving forward. For Dean, it was always _that day_, the day he had been forced to watch his baby brother take a nosedive into Hell to save a shitty world that didn't know any better.

Dean didn't know how many times he'd called Castiel's cell phone or even prayed to the angel before he finally appeared.

Dean begged the angel to help him, to help Sam. Cas had listened in his intense manner before telling Dean that what he was asking was impossible. Dean had threatened to sell his soul if it would mean resurrecting his brother. Castiel's expression turned sympathetic and he promised Dean he would try to do as he asked.

The months following Dean's request were the most agonizing of his life. He was constantly on edge, waiting for Castiel to call his phone or simply pop into existence with news. Dean drove down to Bobby's place and although the old hunter thought he was crazy for trying to get his brother back, Dean was sure his friend would have done the exact same thing.

Eighteen months passed with no word from Castiel and Dean had begun to think it was a lost cause before the angel called him.

"Dean, I have Sam," Castiel's gravelly tone sounded absolutely wonderful to the eldest Winchester, "We are in Stull Cemetery."

After asking a barrage of questions about his brother- which the angel refused to answer until they met in person- Dean finally asked the most important one: "Why don't you just zap him over here? Why do I have to drive all the way to Kansas?"

There was a pause, "I exerted a great amount of energy to rescue Sam from the Cage. I do not have the strength to transport your brother or myself to Sioux Falls."

Dean was instantly up and moving, already fishing his keys from his jeans pocket, ignoring Bobby's queries and running to where he had parked the Impala in the salvage yard as though that would help him reach his brother sooner.

"Cas, can you-" Dean asked as he slammed the driver's side door shut and turned the key so fast that the engine stalled for a moment.

"I will watch over Sam until you arrive," Castiel finished Dean's question and the Winchester thanked his friend.

The seven hours it took to drive to Lawrence seemed to be the longest of Dean's life. As he pulled through the open gates of the old cemetery, Dean had a horrible feeling of déjà vu and swallowed back the lump that had formed in his throat.

It was late afternoon and Dean easily picked out the trench-coat clad figure among the old, crumbling headstones.

Dean didn't even bother turning off the engine or closing his door as he darted past the graves, heart pounding and mouth dry in anticipation of seeing his brother again.

He stopped dead when he saw Sam lying at the angel's feet, curled in on his side.

"No," Dean breathed, fearing the worst and startled when Castiel's voice drifted toward him.

"He is only asleep, Dean."

The angel beckoned Dean forward and the young man practically ran to his brother.

"Sammy!" Dean reached forward to shake his brother's shoulder when Castiel grabbed his wrist.

"We need to talk, Dean," Castiel intoned, his blue eyes grave.

The lump climbed back up Dean's throat and stuck there.

"What's wrong? Is Sam gonna be okay?"

Cas cocked his head as though confused, "He was in Hell for eighteen months, Dean. Do you expect him to be okay?"

Dean sighed and wiped a hand over his face. Eighteen months. Calculating quickly, Dean realized that in Hell-time Sam had been in the Cage for one hundred and eighty years.

"Why did it take you so long to get him?" Dean ignored the angel's question and instead asked one of his own.

"The Cage is designed to keep angels from getting out; do you not think it would also prevent angels from getting in?"

Dean guessed it was a stupid question anyway. Sam was free and that was all that mattered.

"Why don't you just give me the bad news first?" Dean asked.

"I have never understood why humans want bad news and good news in a particular order. You will receive both eventually, so why does it matter?" the angel asked.

"Cas!" Dean snapped, "Just tell me what's wrong with Sam!"

The angel nodded, "Very well. Sam appears to be in decent physical condition, aside from being hungry, which can be easily remedied. It is his mental health, however, that has deteriorated somewhat."

Dean sucked in a deep breath, "Okay, can you be more specific?"

Before Cas could reply though, Sam stirred from his place between them and opened his eyes, blinking blearily.

Dean crouched down in front of his brother and smiled. He wasn't sure what he expected but when his brother wrapped his arms around him, barreling them both over onto the grass, Dean couldn't help but let out a surprised bark of laughter.

Sitting up, Dean held his brother's face in his hands, "I'm missed you so damn much, Sammy."

Sam tightened his hold on Dean, burying his face in his older brother's leather jacket.

Dean blinked back tears as he ran a hand through Sam's long, dark hair.

Dean looked up at Cas and saw the angel watching them. It wasn't creepy though. Castiel was Sam's friend as much as he was Dean's and the eldest Winchester was sure the angel was happy too.

Dean helped pull Sam into a standing position and out of habit began checking his brother for injuries, despite what Castiel had told him.

"Dean," Castiel spoke but the hunter ignored him.

Sam allowed his brother to poke and prod, lift his shirt to inspect his chest and back without his usual complaints.

"Dean," the angel tried again and the eldest Winchester almost glared at him for interrupting.

"What?"

"All is not well with your brother; do you not wish to know this?" The angel asked and Dean shook his head, chagrinned.

"Sam appears to have… digressed somewhat," Cas began and Dean quickly looked to his sibling.

"What's that mean?" Dean's mouth became dry with fear.

"Your brother is no longer the person you knew," Cas continued, "I am not sure if it is a survival mechanism or a result from the torture but Sam's mental faculties have deteriorated."

Dean's mouth dropped open so fast his jaw cracked. Sam was staring intently at him, a smile on his face.

"Sammy," Dean breathed than turned to the angel, "Cas, what does that mean for him?"

Castiel peered at the younger Winchester for a moment as if organizing his thoughts, "He is very vulnerable, Dean. It is unlikely Sam will be able to take care of himself."

Dean nodded, trying to let this all sink in.

"Can't you fix him?" Dean asked the angel tentatively; scared of the answer he would receive.

Castiel shook his head, "I cannot undo Michael and Lucifer's torture… I am not strong enough."

Dean looked pleadingly at the angel for a long moment before a tug at his sleeve caught his attention. Sam was holding onto the cuff of Dean's leather jacket with one hand and softly stroking it with the other.

"You remember this, don't you?" Dean asked and shrugged the coat off, wrapping it around his brother's shoulders.

"I'm sorry I could not be of more help," Cas apologized, tears making his blue eyes even brighter.

Dean shook his head, "You got Sammy out of the Cage and that was an amazing feat in itself. You did exactly what I asked."

Castiel nodded. He wished he could do more though. For Sam, reverse the months of torment he must have suffered at the hands of the archangels. For Dean, give him back the brother he remembered. But such miracles were beyond his skill.

The angel was surprised when Dean grabbed him in a bear-hug. Castiel didn't know how to respond so he just left his arms down by his sides. Dean didn't seem to be offended though, even if Cas did feel slightly awkward.

Dean released the angel and took his brother's hand as though Sam was a child.

"Take care of yourself, Cas," Dean said with a smile.

The angel's brow furrowed. He guessed he should have known the time had come for their final farewells- the world had been saved and it was unlikely Dean would hunt again with his brother in his current condition- but Cas felt the tug of sadness in his heart as he watched his friends.

"Take care of Sam," Cas replied and vanished before his vessel's human emotions could get the better of him.

Dean shook his head good-naturedly and patted his brother's hand.

"C'mon Sammy," Dean said, "I know someone who'd really like to see you again."

_SPN_

Bobby Singer paced around his kitchen, beer bottle untouched in one hand, cell phone in the other.

He had left several voice messages for Dean since the younger man had run out but the he had neglected to answer them. Bobby reckoned it likely that the eldest Winchester hadn't noticed his phone vibrating- had put it on silent or something- but he still worried about the boy when he didn't call back.

"Where the hell are you?" Bobby rumbled and stomped into his living room, peering out through the gauzy curtains covering the front window. Evening was fast approaching, the sky turning crimson and gold on the horizon and shadows growing long.

The familiar rumble of the Impala's engine caused Bobby to sag with relief. Gathering himself together though, the veteran hunter arranged his face into a disapproving frown and opened the screen door, peering out into the darkening yard.

Bobby was glad his boys were back- both of them- but he was ready to chew Dean out for leaving him without so much as a 'see ya later'. He knew he shouldn't be too hard on the younger man though. Yes, he was pissed at Dean but he wasn't sure about Sam. Something in Bobby's gut told him that he had to tread carefully with this one.

Bobby watched as Dean stepped out of the car, closed the door and moved around the front of the Impala to the passenger side. Bobby's brow furrowed, the old hunter trying to figure out if Dean's actions were positive or not. For all Bobby knew, Dean could just be in his usual overprotective mode and Sam was complaining right now about being babied.

Bobby sucked in a deep breath when he saw Dean take his brother's hand and lead Sam toward the house.

"Hey, Bobby," Dean greeted in a weary voice once he and Sam had stepped up onto the porch.

Bobby couldn't help but smile. He opened the screen door and leaned against it to keep it from slamming back against the jamb.

"How was the drive to Lawrence?"

Dean's expression turned embarrassed but he shrugged, "Didn't get pulled over for speeding so I'd say it went well."

Bobby shook his head- he couldn't stay angry at Dean, especially when he just wanted to get to his brother- and turned his attention to Sam.

The boy _looked _fine, but Bobby knew that didn't matter. It had taken Dean a long time to move forward after he'd returned from Hell, plagued with nightmares and the occasional flashback that took months to dissipate.

"Sammy," Bobby smiled, using Sam's nickname- something he hadn't done in since the youngest Winchester had been a boy- and spread his arms for a hug.

Sam remained where he was, half behind Dean, fingers still laced with his brother's.

"It's okay," Dean shifted slightly so that he was standing right beside his taller sibling, "You remember Bobby, yeah?"

Sam, apparently reluctant to break contact with Dean, continued to grip his hand but inched forward until he was close enough for Bobby to touch. The veteran hunter wrapped both arms- gently- around the younger man's frame. Sam put his free hand on Bobby's back but didn't move again until the older man pulled away.

Something's not a hundred percent, Bobby thought but smiled and pumped Dean's hand when the older brother offered it to him.

"Any chance we could get some dinner?" Dean asked and Bobby nodded, turning toward the kitchen. Both Winchesters followed him inside. Dean leaned against the counter while Sam stood silently beside his brother, watching Bobby intently.

"What're you in the mood for?" the older hunter asked as he opened the refrigerator door.

"You got pizza?" Dean asked, still holding his brother's hand; Bobby noticed.

"Make yourselves at home," Bobby grumbled and rolled his eyes, "You're not strangers here."

Dean pulled two chairs out from the kitchen table, placed them beside one another and he and Sam sat down. Dean released his brother's hand and patted Sam's knee.

"You hungry, Sammy?" Dean asked and Sam looked at him unblinkingly for a moment before nodding.

Bobby pulled a pizza out of the freezer and turned on the oven to preheat. He cracked open a couple of beers and handed one to Dean, holding the second one hesitantly.

"Oh, uh, do you have soda or juice?" The eldest Winchester asked.

Bobby bit his lip and peered into the fridge, his gaze settling on a bottle of Dr. Pepper.

"It's kind of old," Bobby squinted at the expiration date on the cap, "Might have lost its fizz."

"It'll be fine," Dean said in a soft voice, the tone giving the older hunter pause.

Bobby peered at the younger man shrewdly, "You and I are having a long talk later."

Dean nodded, "Yes sir."

Bobby grabbed a glass from the cupboard and poured the soda into it before handing it to Dean- the younger man reaching for it- before turning to the oven with it beeped to signal it was warm enough for pizza.

_SPN_

Dean was conscious of the older hunter watching him as he looked after his brother and even though Bobby was one of their closest friends it was annoying.

"What?" Dean asked his friend as he poured more soda into Sam's glass.

Bobby shrugged, "You want s'more pizza?"

"Sammy, use both hands! Don't want to drop the cup," Dean used his own hand to prop the bottom of the glass Sam was drinking from until his brother lifted his other hand to grip the cup.

Bobby plopped another slice of pizza onto Dean's plate and raised his eyebrows, indicating Sam.

"You want more?" Dean asked and Sam shook his head, still drinking the soda so that the liquid sloshed around inside the glass for a moment.

Dean polished off his pizza quickly, eager to get his brother some rest- and less eager to have a much needed talk with Bobby.

"C'mon Sammy," Dean reached out a hand and pulled Sam into a standing position, "Let's see about getting you set up in the guest bedroom."

Dean paused for a moment, grabbing his own napkin from the table to wipe tomato sauce off his brother's chin.

"There ya go, bro," Dean smiled at his brother, "All the chicks will want your number now."

Dean took hold of his brother's hand once again- because it seemed to comfort Sam- and led him toward the stairs. Sam put his free hand on the banister and trailed his palm over its wooden surface as Dean climbed the steps with him.

Dean heard the front door open and close as Bobby went outside to grab the duffle bags from the Impala- and couldn't help but feel an immense gratitude toward the older hunter- as he stepped up onto the landing with his brother.

"You ready for bed, Sammy?" Dean asked even though it was only seven-thirty in the evening. Sam hadn't gone to bed that early since he was twelve, but Dean needed to talk to Bobby alone and he was sure his brother needed some rest.

Sam looked at his brother from underneath half-lidded eyes and yawned loudly.

"Bobby will be back in a minute with the duffels, kiddo," Dean assured his younger sibling.

Sam peered up at his brother from underneath his long bangs and unlocked his hand from Dean's.

Dean watched as his brother reached out and laid a hand on the wall and stared at the textured wallpaper.

"You okay, Sammy?" Dean placed a hand on his brother's shoulder and tried to peer into his eyes. Sam didn't seem distressed or anything but Dean couldn't be too sure. He was making sure to be hyper-aware of Sam's expressions and posture because his younger brother had not spoken at all since Dean had first seen him with Cas in Stull Cemetery.

"Karen picked that out," Bobby's voice startled Dean, "She thought the lilies were pretty. They were her favourite flower."

Sam turned around and gave the grizzled hunter a docile smile.

Dean took his brother's wrist and led him in the direction of the guest bedroom, leaving Bobby with the duffle bags.

"What am I? The butler?" Bobby grumbled but set the luggage down lightly on the bed closest to the door.

"Thanks Bobby," Dean said gratefully and watched as the older hunter retreated, giving the Winchesters some privacy.

Dean grabbed his brother's duffel- he hadn't had the heart to remove it from the Impala's trunk after Sam had died- and pulled out a black t-shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants.

"Alright Sammy," Dean said and paused, unsure of what his next move should be, "How're we gonna do this?"

_SPN_

Twenty minutes later, Bobby looked up from the Farmers' Almanac he was flipping through to see Dean stomping down the stairs.

"'Bout time," Bobby muttered but he couldn't have cared less how long Dean had taken to get his brother ready for bed.

The grizzled hunter watched as the young man tiptoed into the den to join him. Dean sat down on the couch heavily, breathing a sigh and ran a hand over his chin tiredly.

"Feel like talkin'?" Bobby asked and moved around his desk to lean against it instead, arms crossed over his chest.

Dean slouched forward, arms on his legs and nodded slowly.

Bobby waited patiently, even went into the kitchen and grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge, while Dean organized his thoughts.

_SPN_

Dean couldn't believe that Cas had managed to rescue his brother! Despite himself Dean had started thinking that maybe the angel was right and Sam would forever be lost.

He couldn't stop smiling at his brother, glancing at Sam every so often as he drove out of the cemetery and down the road.

Even though Dean was elated to have Sam back with him, Castiel's words niggled in the back of his head. Dean knew that his brother wouldn't be the same but that hardly seemed to matter.

We'll get through this, Dean thought; we always managed to come out on top before so why should this time be any different?

Dean's stomach growled hungrily, reminding the hunter that he hadn't eaten anything since before running out of Bobby's house hours earlier.

"I don't know about you, Sammy," Dean crowed, "But I am starving!"

Sam smiled at his brother and Dean's heart swelled with happiness.

_W_

Dean waited until Lawrence was well in the rearview mirror before looking out for a diner. Dean hadn't wanted to stay in the town for too long if he could help it… all it did was bring up sad memories and besides, he needed to get back to Bobby's with his brother. Dean knew the old salvage yard would be the safest place for Sam.

The first restaurant Dean spied was a few miles outside of Topeka, in the middle of a small village named Morris. The diner itself, called Morris Eats, didn't appear too busy and besides that, Dean's stomach was growing more and more impatient.

Dean parked the Impala and got out, stretching and went around to the passenger side to help his brother.

Sam immediately took Dean's offered hand and refused to let go, even when they stepped inside the diner.

Dean's hunter training took effect and he did a quick sweep of the restaurant- taking note of where the other patrons were sitting and where the exits were- before leading his brother to a booth at the back.

The brothers sat across from one another; Dean peered once again at the other people who were sharing the diner with them and Sam staring at the tabletop.

"You feeling okay, Sammy?" Dean asked his brother, concerned at Sam's silence.

Sam didn't look up but bobbed his head once. He reached a hand out and laid it on the table, lightly patting the surface.

Dean watched his brother for a moment before taking his brother's hand in his. Eyebrows knitting together, Dean tried to get a look at his brother's face.

"Good afternoon," a female voice caused the eldest Winchester to jump in his seat and he let go of his sibling's hand.

"Hi," Dean peered at the waitress.

"My name is Lora," she smiled at Dean and handed him a menu and sat the other one on the table for Sam, "Is there anything I can get you to drink, for starters?"

"Coca-Cola for me," Dean leaned back, feeling more comfortable now the he saw how pretty their waitress was, "And water."

Lora nodded, glancing at Sam quickly, before turning toward the kitchen.

Dean opened his menu and pursued the meal choices. He could really go for a big, juicy burger and was pleased to see that the diner had five different kinds.

He peered over his menu and saw that Sam wasn't looking at his.

"Sam," Dean lowered his menu and put his hand on his brother's, "What's up?"

Castiel's words crept into Dean's mind: _Sam's mental faculties have deteriorated. He is very vulnerable... It is unlikely Sam will be able to take care of himself._

Dean took a deep breath and switched seats so that he was right beside his brother.

Sam looked up at him questioningly but Dean smiled, reassuring him.

"What're you hungry for, Sammy?" Dean opened his brother's menu and looked down at the choices.

"Salad?" Dean asked. Sam blinked at him.

"Hmmm, no salad then," Dean tapped a finger on the laminated page, "That's a first."

The eldest Winchester looked up when a loud group of teenage boys entered the diner and took a seat at a table not far from Dean and his brother.

Dean narrowed his eyes at the teens, almost smelling trouble, before turning back to the menu.

Lora returned with their drinks, "Are you ready to order?"

"Can you give us a few more minutes?" Dean asked and gave her a charming smile.

"Sure thing," she returned his smile and tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear.

"Hey baby! Why don't you come on over here and take our orders!" One of the teenage boys called while the others catcalled.

Lora frowned and Dean peered at the unruly bunch for a moment, "They're regulars?"

The waitress nodded, "The one swimming in his red t-shirt is the owner's son."

Dean cringed in sympathy, "Damn, that's rough."

Lora tapped her pen against her notepad for a moment, "Let me know if they start giving you grief."

Dean nodded and watched carefully as the waitress approached the boys.

A tug on Dean's sleeve returned his attention to his brother.

"Okay Sammy," Dean said, "What'll it be?"

The older brother eyed the menu again, trying to figure out what his brother would eat.

Dean saw that the diner featured a list of a dozen different sandwiches and smiled.

"You feel like a tuna sandwich, Sammy?" Dean asked his brother and Sam blinked at him.

"I'll take that as a yes," Dean muttered and returned to his seat across from his brother.

Lora walked back over to the Winchesters and smiled, "Ready to order?"

"Can I get a bacon double cheeseburger and my brother would like a tuna fish sandwich," Dean said and smiled at the waitress.

"Coming right up," Lora smiled at the Winchesters and headed toward the kitchen.

Dean noticed that the teenage boys at the table beside them were staring at his brother.

Sam seemed lost in his own world, staring out the window, one hand on the tabletop.

"See something green?" Dean snapped at the teens and they pointedly looked away, sniggering.

C'mon Sammy, Dean thought; prove Cas wrong, please. For me. I know you're stronger than this.

As if he could hear his brother's thoughts, Sam looked up and smiled at Dean.

"Reeeeee-tard," Dean's eyes flicked immediately to the teens and saw that they all had their noses buried in their menus.

Dean looked quickly at his brother but Sam apparently hadn't noticed the taunting. The older Winchester decided that if it didn't bother Sam than it wouldn't bother him either.

Sam returned his gaze to the table, one hand moving to crumple up his paper napkin while the other slipped down onto his lap.

"Here are your drinks," Lora's voice startled Dean and he thanked the waitress.

Dean sipped at his Coke and watched his brother.

"Sam, drink some water," Dean told his sibling quietly.

_W_

The meals didn't take long to arrive. Dean's mouth was watering as he breathed in the scent of ground, seasoned beef, toasted bun and melty, gooey cheese. Normally he'd sink his teeth right in but Dean found himself turning his attention from his burger to his brother.

Even Dean had to admit the tuna sandwich looked delicious- then again, it could have just been his hungry stomach talking and that made _anything _look good- and moved once again to sit right beside his brother instead of across from him.

"C'mon Sammy, you gotta eat something," Dean coaxed, "You've got to be starving."

Dean clearly recalled how hungry he'd been when Castiel had resurrected him and wondered why Sam wasn't eating as fast as he could.

Maybe Sam doesn't like tuna; Dean thought and tried to remember if Sam had any aversion to that particular fish.

Sam looked at Dean, seemingly fascinated by his brother's face, and Dean frowned.

"Sam. Eat." Dean ordered his brother but the younger man didn't react.

"Reeeeee-tard."

Dean turned to glare murderously at the boys, all of whom were preoccupied with their sodas and pointedly not looking at the Winchesters. Dean clenched his hands into fists.

Although Dean knew that he should just ignore the little pricks, he was not going to sit there and let them harass his little brother. Whether Sam realized what they were doing was not the point, Dean knew what the teens were thinking and it pissed him off to no end. Standing up suddenly- startling Sam in the process- Dean took the five or so steps across to the kids' table and casually took his gun from the pocket of his jacket. Making sure that every boy was looking, Dean tapped the barrel on the Formica table.

"I'd really like it if you gentlemen would stop bothering my brother and me," Dean said in a quiet voice.

"Jesus! Is that… that ain't real? Is it?" One of the boys stared bug-eyed at the gun.

Dean just smiled, "Call my brother a retard again and you'll find out."

"Yeah, yeah," the boss's son- shaking in his oversized red shirt- stammered, "Whatever you say, man."

Dean slipped the weapon back into his pocket and turned to Sam. No one else had been interested in a bunch of pesky local kids so no one asked Dean what he was doing with a concealed weapon.

"Guy's crazy!" Dean heard one of the teens hiss as he sat back down in his own seat.

Dean smiled at Sam before peering at his hamburger- so tempting before- and suddenly had no appetite.

Dean looked up and across the diner, searching for the waitress. When he caught sight of Lora he motioned to her and she immediately made a bee-line to the Winchesters' table.

"Is everything okay here?" she asked, a concerned look on her face.

"Can we get the bill, please?" Dean asked even though their meals sat uneaten.

"Okay," Lora answered uncertainly, "Listen, if this is about those kids, I can get the owner-"

Dean shook his head, "Just the bill would be great."

The waitress nodded and walked away. Dean's stomach grumbled a complaint but he ignored it. He gulped down the rest of his soda as he waited impatiently for Lora to return.

Sam smiled blandly at his brother and Dean couldn't help but return the gesture even if he could have felt less like it.

When Lora handed Dean the bill the young man paid for their uneaten food and left the waitress a generous tip.

Standing up, Dean held a hand out to his brother who eagerly accepted. The eldest Winchester heard barely concealed sniggering coming from the group of teenage boys but he decided to ignore it; the little shitheads weren't worth his time anyway.

Dean wrapped a comforting; supportive hand around his brother's and began leading him toward the exit.

"That's right, no retards allowed!" a young, peevish voice called out just as Dean reached the door of the diner and it took all the young hunter's willpower not to turn back and beat the fucking punk to death with his bare hands.

"Don't listen to them, Sammy," Dean muttered to his brother, not even sure if Sam was paying attention or even understood what the teen had said.

Once Sam was comfortably seated in the passenger side of the Impala, Dean rushed to put Morris, Kansas in his rearview mirror and return to the familiarity of Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

_SPN_

Once Dean had finished telling the old hunter everything that had happened since he had picked his brother up from Lawrence, Bobby sat back in his chair and rubbed a hand over his face.

"And Sam? Did Cas say anything else?" the older hunter wanted to know. It was obvious that the youngest Winchester was damaged but to what extent?

Dean shook his head, "No, he just said that Sammy was gonna need a lot of taking care of. I guess I should have asked him for the specifics, huh?"

Bobby was surprised that Dean hadn't grilled the angel for more information on Sam's condition but couldn't blame the boy; just having his brother back was enough.

Heaving a tired sigh, Bobby swiped his baseball cap off his head and scratched at his hair before replacing the hat, "I guess we'll have to learn on the fly then."

Dean began to nod before he realized what the older man was suggesting, "Oh no, Bobby, no. I can't do that to you. Once I get things sorted out with Sam I'll find us an apartment or something…"

Bobby glowered at the younger man, "You idjit! You and Sam are staying here for as long as you need to."

Dean's shoulders sagged, "It wouldn't be right."

Bobby looked at the hunter as if he really was slow, "And why not? You boys are family, after all."

Dean hesitated a moment before nodding in agreement.

"It's settled then," Bobby added with finality, "You'll live here as long as you need to and, if you really feel so guilty about it, I could always use an extra set of hands when it comes to fixing up the cars."

Dean gulped visibly, "Thanks Bobby… just… thanks."

"Now don't get all mushy with me, Dean Winchester," Bobby said gruffly but smiled from beneath his ruddy beard, "You're not getting free room and board after all."

Dean smiled. Bobby knew the younger hunter enjoyed tinkering with cars and having the brothers close by would give the older man some peace of mind.

**Author's Note:**

**1. Thanks to BerserkerHellHound for editing this!**

**2. Please leave a review and I'll write the next chapter… fair trade?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Dean sat at the kitchen table, coffee mug in hand, watching Sam dig into his bowl of Captain Crunch cereal with childlike enthusiasm. Bobby was in the den, talking to a customer on the phone, his own morning coffee sitting precariously on the edge of his desk.

Nearly a fortnight had passed since Dean had agreed to stay at Singer Salvage. At first Dean wasn't sure how much work he'd be able to get done while also keeping an eye on his brother but by now they had slipped into a steady routine.

Dean stuck pretty close to the junk yard. If they needed parts for a car, Bobby was the one who went into town to fetch them- saying that he knew the folks at the local shops better than the eldest Winchester anyway- without complaint. Sam rarely left Dean's side, even when his brother was working on cars. Dean didn't mind. He liked knowing exactly where his little brother was, his protective instincts ratcheting up into overdrive every time he remembered Cas' words.

Dean looked up at Bobby as the older man set the phone down in its cradle and entered the kitchen, sipping his coffee as he walked.

"Some drunk teen totaled his parents' car," Bobby said before Dean even asked, "I've gotta tow the vehicle so I'll probably be an hour or so."

Dean nodded, "Sam and I can hold down the fort, can't we Sammy?"

His brother looked up from his cereal and smiled.

Bobby just shook his head, "You know the drill."

Dean smirked, "No parties and don't answer the door to strangers."

Bobby rolled his eyes, "Smartass."

Draining his coffee cup, the veteran hunter set the mug in the kitchen sink and took his leave. Dean listened to the throaty rumble of Bobby's old tow truck grow distant as he pulled down the driveway and onto the road.

The eldest Winchester topped up his own coffee with what was left in the pot and sat back down once again across from his brother. Sam was slowly but steadily munching away on his cereal.

"Wanna watch some TV, buddy?" Dean asked and Sam lifted his gaze for a moment before looking back down at his soggy bowl of Captain Crunch.

Sam set his hand holding the spoon on the table and peered curiously at his breakfast.

"You finished?" Dean asked, reaching out to take the bowl. Sam shook his head frantically and pulled the cereal closer to himself.

Dean sat back, calmly, and continued drinking his coffee. Sam slurped noisily at the milk in the bowl, happy again.

Tapping one foot on the scuffed linoleum floor, Dean exhaled slowly, having found a wellspring of patience for his brother ever since Sam had been rescued from Hell.

As soon as Sam finished eating- his spoon scraping against the empty bowl- Dean grabbed the dish and carefully pried the utensil from his brother's hand.

"Okay Sammy," Dean announced, "TV time."

Sam followed his brother obediently as he walked into the living room, sitting down at one end of the couch heavily. Dean grabbed the television remote control and jabbed the ON button. Dean smiled when a cartoon started playing and set the remote on the coffee table. Sam pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs, watching the talking yellow sponge skip across the screen as though it was the most interesting thing on TV. Dean shook his head and went over to Bobby's desk, sitting down on the wooden swivel chair and pulling the laptop- Sam's laptop- towards him.

Every morning, for the first hour his brother watched television, Dean searched online newspaper reports for any sign of supernatural activity. Although Dean hadn't been hunting since Sam took the plunge, he liked to tell himself that he should remain aware of what was out there, stay in the know. Whenever Dean happened upon a strange article he would tell Bobby and see what the veteran hunter thought, decide if there was actually a case worth pursuing. If Bobby believed that there was something serious going on, he would call one or more of his friends to take care of the trouble.

After thirty-five minutes of pursuing the online news, Dean sighed and glanced across the living room at his brother. Sam was still sitting with his knees drawn up but now his eyebrows were pinched together as though he was troubled by something.

Closing the laptop without bothering to shut it down, Dean walked over to the couch and sat down beside Sam.

"What's up, buddy?" Dean asked, glancing at the TV screen from the corner of his eye.

Taking Sam's face in his hands, Dean turned his brother's head so he was looking at him.

"What's wrong? C'mon, talk to me," Dean entreated, hoping that he brother would speak. Since Castiel had rescued him from Hell, Sam had not said a single word, had not made a sound and Dean was really starting to miss his little brother's voice.

Sam's eyes were confused as if he couldn't quite figure out what Dean wanted from him. Resignedly, Dean removed his hands from Sam's face and leaned forward, grabbing the TV remote and jabbing the OFF button. Leaning back against the couch cushions, Dean raised an arm and wrapped it around Sam's shoulders, drawing his brother closer to his side.

"Bobby should be home soon," Dean told his brother, not really in the mood to watch whatever crap was on TV this morning. Sam didn't complain about the change in routine. He just stared at the blank television screen and fiddled with the hem of his shirt.

_SPN_

Bobby Singer drove slowly away from his salvage yard, his thoughts on the two boys who now called it home.

Even though two weeks had already passed since Castiel had brought Sam back the young man didn't appear to be getting any better. Bobby wasn't stupid; he had told himself it was more than likely that it would take a great deal of time for Sam to recover from whatever the archangels had done to him- if he even recovered at all. Bobby hated seeing Sam so helpless, so quiet and wished there was something he could do to help him. Dean had become even more protective of his brother than Bobby had even seen him before, taking his responsibility so far as to often shut out the older hunter whenever he tried to help. Bobby didn't really blame Dean for acting like everything- including him- was a threat to Sam. He just wished that the eldest Winchester would let him take on some of the burden some of the time.

Bobby grimaced. Sam wasn't a burden. He was a good kid, always had been and always would be but Bobby could see that the constant care that he needed was soon going to drive his brother into the ground.

The grizzled hunter sighed and pulled his grimy baseball cap off, scratching his head with one hand while steering this truck with the other.

"Damn idjit's too stubborn for his own good," he muttered out loud. Dean would wait until he made himself sick before asking Bobby for assistance.

Replacing the cap back on his thinning hair, Bobby glanced through the smeary windshield as the early morning sun cast its rays almost eye-level with the hunter.

_SPN_

Dean looked up when Bobby stepped inside. He had heard the low coughing rumble of the older hunter's pickup as Bobby had driven in but Dean hadn't moved; Sam was sleeping and he didn't want to wake him.

Bobby's hardened face softened at the sight of the younger Winchester.

Dean brushed his brother's bangs away from his brow and Sam's eyes opened slowly.

"Hey, Sammy," Dean said softly, "Bobby's home."

The younger man looked at his brother for a moment, smiled and then turned to Bobby when Dean pointed.

"How you doin' son?" Bobby asked, knowing full-well he'd receive no answer but he couldn't help himself.

Sam favoured him with a wide, dimpled smile and turned back to his brother. Dean gave Sam a thumbs-up and focused his attention on the aged hunter.

"What's the car look like?" he asked, making no move to get up off the couch.

"Front end's crumpled up something awful," Bobby explained, "Gonna need new headlights, new bumper… see if we can't hammer out the dents."

Dean nodded. It sounded like they might be working on the car for a few days, maybe even a week. Not that he minded much, Dean liked the work and he was able to keep his brother close while he did so.

"You want a beer or something?" Bobby asked even though it was early.

Dean shook his head but looked at his brother, "You want something to drink, Sammy?"

The younger man tilted his head a moment and then ducked his chin. Dean shrugged.

"I think I'll take Sam outside and go check out this car," he suggested instead and Bobby chuckled, "Suit yourself."

Standing and stretching, Dean looked expectantly at his brother.

Sam hesitated for a second before standing and following Dean out to the front hall. He waited patiently while Dean slipped his boots on and laced them up.

"Okay," Dean stated, "Your turn."

The older Winchester grabbed his brother's sneakers and Sam immediately lifted one foot. Dean guided his younger sibling's foot into the shoe and tied the laces, repeating the process for the other one.

Dean debated getting a coat on Sam but then decided it might be overkill.

Reaching past his brother, Dean opened the front door and stepped out onto the porch. It was still fairly early, not even eleven thirty yet but he could already tell that the day was going to be a scorcher.

Sam followed his brother, gazing mildly at the scrap cars sitting around the yard.

"Let's go check out the damage," Dean muttered- more to himself than his brother- and took hold of his Sam's hand in his own.

Normally Dean would have refused to do something so girly as take his brother's hand- if Sam had had full use of his faculties- but now he could have cared less. The physical contact seemed to calm Sam and it allowed Dean to keep a close- very close- eye on his sibling.

The teen's damaged car was sitting up on cinderblocks, the sunlight glaring against the crumpled front end.

"This is going to take a while, Sammy," Dean told his brother, "But we've got time? Right?"

Sam glanced at his brother and graced him with a smile. Dean grinned back.

The eldest Winchester's smile faded quickly, "Yeah, we've got all the time in the world."

_SPN_

Bobby kept his distance from the Winchesters. He didn't really mind; he had some research to do anyway and the quiet in the house was nice.

Dean only made an appearance once, ducking inside to grab his coat without so much as glancing into the den where Bobby worked, not wanting to leave Sam alone for very long.

At around noon hour the grizzled hunter called it quits. His eyes were sore from reading- he wasn't as young as he used to be, able to scan book for hours without a break- and his stomach was rumbling noisily.

Standing up and stretching out his back, Bobby decided that lunch was a good idea.

_W_

Bobby pushed open the screen door with his back, his arms full of an old TV tray and turned around so he faced his yard. He could hear the faint chords of rock music and a steady hammering coming from his garage.

The first Winchester he saw as he came down the porch steps was Sam. He was sitting on Bobby's old tartan blanket just outside of the garage door, Dean's leather jacket in his lap and a contented expression on his face.

Bobby smiled. Sam was happy as long as he was close to Dean.

"Hey son," he said as he walked towards the young man, "Is your brother ever going to come up for air?"

Sam just smiled at the older man and Bobby chuckled. He set the tray of food down on the car's undamaged trunk and entered the garage.

Dean was bent over underneath the car's open hood, a wrench in one hand as he struggled with a particularly stubborn piece of equipment.

"It ain't gonna come out if ya keep reefing on it like that," Bobby remarked and the younger man looked up.

"Hey Bobby," he said tiredly and wiped his hands off on the rag he'd stuffed into his back pocket.

"Figgered you boys would want something to eat," he commented. For a second Dean looked confused and he glanced at his watch.

"Shit!" Dean exclaimed.

"You've been out here for hours," Bobby confirmed and Dean sighed, running a slightly grimy hand through his hair, "I didn't even check the time… Is Sam-"

The veteran hunter nodded, "Yer brother's still here. Quiet as a church mouse."

Dean shook his head, a somewhat guilty look on his face. Bobby didn't say anything though, he knew that Dean's brother wouldn't go anywhere without him.

Stepping into the sunlight outside of the garage, Dean squinted a little before crouching down in front of Sam.

"Hey Sammy," he murmured and brushed the younger man's bangs away from his eyes, "How you doing?"

Sam looked up at his older sibling and smiled. He was fine.

Dean stood up and accepted the glass of lemonade Bobby handed to him.

"Wipe that look off yer face," the older man snapped playfully and Dean sighed.

"I got carried away with that damn car," he muttered, "I completely forgot Sam."

"He forgives you," Bobby said, looking down at where the young man sat, absentmindedly stroking the soft, worn leather of Dean's coat.

Dean's gaze fell on his brother and his guilty expression softened.

"You're doing the best you can, Dean," Bobby said, "A great job as far as I can tell. You barely take your eyes off Sam for a minute."

"Yeah," Dean murmured and took a sip of lemonade.

Bobby frowned but decided to change the subject, "I don't know about you but I could eat a horse."

As he spoke, the older man picked up one of the sandwiches he had made- roast beef and mustard- and bit into it.

"You should eat something if you're gonna stay outside in this heat," Bobby mumbled around the mouthful of bread and meat, "And Sam too."

Dean nodded, handed Bobby his glass and grabbed one of the sandwiches- ham and cheese- and crouched down in front of his brother.

"You hungry, Sammy?" Dean asked. Sam looked up at his brother and the offered sandwich. The younger man smiled and used both hands to take the sandwich Dean held out to him. One corner of Dean's mouth lifted and he ruffled his brother's hair- an old habit that had become more and more regular over the past weeks since Sam's rescue- before picking out his own sandwich.

Bobby leaned against the back bumper of the car while Dean took a seat beside Sam.

For a few moments there were no sounds among the three men except for that of steady chewing.

The eldest Winchester stood up, shoving the last piece of sandwich into his mouth and brushing off his hands, "That was great, Bobby. Thanks."

The veteran hunter stopped mid-chew and stared at Dean. He knew when he was being pushed aside.

"There's more sandwiches," he rumbled and grabbed a second one from the plate on the tray.

Dean shook his head, "I'm pretty full."

Bobby narrowed his eyes; he knew that boy could eat like a horse and one sandwich sure as hell wasn't going to fill him.

"It's a nice day," Bobby said casually, pulling the crust off the bread in his hands, "I thought I'd stay out for a while… maybe help you out with the car."

Dean shook his head, "I've got it. Besides, Sammy keeps me company."

Bobby frowned and put the remains of his sandwich back on the plate, "I'm getting really tired of being avoided just 'cause you think I can't look after your brother."

Dean narrowed his eyes at the older man, "I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to! You keep Sam with you twenty-four/seven, you barely leave him alone for a minute-" Bobby began but Dean interrupted, "He could get hurt!"

"Son, it's been two weeks and I can already tell this isn't going to go well!" Bobby pleaded, "I been taking care of you and your brother since your Daddy left you two on my porch all those years ago. I know you want to protect Sam but you don't need to protect him from me! If you keep doing this Dean, you'll make yourself sick and then what go will that do for Sam?"

Dean paused as though mulling over Bobby's words. The older hunter didn't expect what the young man said next. He thought Dean was going to chew him out for being so brash as to believe he could take care of Sam.

"It… It's my fault he's like this, Bobby," Dean muttered quietly. He wasn't looking at the older hunter but at his brother.

Sam, seeming to recognize the tension between the two men, had stopped eating and was staring up at his older brother with confused and slightly frightened eyes.

"What are you talking about?" Bobby asked, dumbfounded.

"I was the one that gave him the go-ahead to take the swan dive," Dean answered, a little more steadily than before, "I said that if that was what he wa-wanted…"

"Dean… you didn't know-" Bobby tried to assuage some guilt from the younger man but Dean wasn't having it.

"I didn't know!? That's bullshit and we both know it!" Dean snapped, not really angry at Bobby, "I was in Hell, Bobby! How could I not know what was going to happen to Sam!?"

The older man didn't reply. He took off his baseball cap and ran a hand through his thinning hair, "You weren't the one who tortured him."

Dean opened his mouth to retort but nothing came out. His face blanched and he shook his head.

Before Bobby could say anything more, Dean turned away and nearly ran back towards the house, leaving his friend and brother staring after him.

"Balls," Bobby muttered and looked down at Sam.

The young man was clearly still agitated so Bobby hunkered down in front of him.

Reaching out, Bobby placed a calloused hand on Sam's shoulder, "It's alright, son."

Sam blinked at Bobby and stared at him for a long moment before he started eating agan.

Bobby sat down beside him and sighed.

"You don't blame Dean, do ya?"

Sam continued munching away on his sandwich and said nothing.

_SPN_

Dean knew that Bobby had a point but he just couldn't help but feel guilty. All his life he'd been told to protect his brother no matter what and he'd just let Sam decide to sacrifice himself for the shitty ball of dirt called Earth without really thinking about it.

Dean hadn't even suggested trying to find another way to beat Lucifer.

No, he'd just sat back and made jokes while Sam was planning on damning himself for all eternity.

Dean rummaged around in the fridge and found a bottle of beer. He twisted the cap off and guzzled down the alcohol.

Dean had failed his brother so badly that he was sure he deserved this. Taking care of Sam was now his penance for his mistakes. Sam was unable to look after himself- and Dean had a feeling he'd ever be able to again- so Dean had to help him through life… for the rest of his life. Dean had done this to his brother. He might not have been the one to torture Sam but he certainly didn't try and stop him either.

Dean finished his beer and put the empty on the counter. He pawed through Bobby's liquor cabinet above the stove until he found a mostly-full bottle of Jack Daniels.

Not even bothering with a glass, Dean threw the cap across the room and brought the mouth of the bottle to his lips.

Dean wished he could go back in time and tell Sam not to go through with his idea. Dean wished he would open his mouth and assure his baby brother that there was another way, that there _had _to be. Dean wondered why he'd been so calm about Sam's proposal in the first place. What had he been thinking? That it was Sam's mess and therefore his to clean up anyway he saw fit? No!

Although Sam had killed Lilith and released Lucifer from his Cage; he wasn't the only guilty party. Dean had broken the first Seal. Even though he did not know what he had been doing at the time, it was really _he _who had started the Apocalypse.

Dean chugged down the alcohol as fast as he could. He didn't want to feel like this anymore. He just wanted to be numb.

So why had he been so keen on laying the blame on Sam? Because Sam was an easy scapegoat. Because Sam blamed himself. Because Sam had made mistakes in the past and what was one more to pile on top of the heap.

Dean stumbled over to the kitchen table and sat down. He set the bottle onto the tabletop and put his head in his hands.

It was all his fault. Everything. And Sam had been the one to pay the price.

Dean laid his head on the table's cool surface and closed his eyes.

What would his father say if he could see his oldest son now? What would his mother say if she could see her little boy?

Dean put his hand over his face, his elbow knocking the bottle of Jack onto the floor where it shattered, and started to cry.

The days and weeks and months and years seemed to stretch out before Dean, filled with nothing but guilt-ridden thoughts and Bobby's sympathetic generosity and Sam's bland yet trusting gaze.

And it was all Dean's fault. It was nothing more than he deserved. Because he had let his brother take the plunge, had chosen to disregard the consequences of his actions and allow his brother to suffer.

Dean was fast asleep by the time his brother and Bobby came back inside, troubled by dreams replaying Sam's leap into the Cage. Over and over and over again, mocking him, reminding him that he was a failure as a brother.

**Author's Note: **

**1. Thanks to mandancie, Souless666, Skye1963, cold kagome, Can'tHoldMyFeels, missingmikey, CandyCakes, sarah, SPN Mum, emebalia, sammynanci, lexi'ssorryforthis, BranchSuper, MysteryMadchen, Miabug, darkelf965, amberkitti and Guests for reviewing.**

**2. Thanks to everyone who is following, who favourited or alerted!**

**3. Please leave a review!**


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